...other meditations

beginning again

once upon a time, a little girl got up on her bicycle for the very first time without training wheels. mom and dad were there to help and guide and eventually the little girl was left to go it alone. unfortunately, the little girl became unstable and crashed into a bush. she shed a few tears and mom and dad helped brush her off. but, before mom and dad knew it, their little girl was back on her bicycle again. the little girl was not afraid to face failure by trying again in order to succeed.

i am pretty sure that i was like that when i was younger, but i think that fearlessness fades as one gets older. the boldness to want to try new things or do the right thing slowly disappears. the number one reason? fear. i am simply afraid of getting hurt or failing. i am so content in my comfort zone that i am unwilling to break free from it. trying to get my body to do something that my mind and heart is thinking and feeling seems impossible. but, i know that i am loved by The God of the impossible!

determined to get myself out of this cycle, i made a wise decision. i turned to God and to His Word for guidance. while reading, i was reminded of simon peter, one of Jesus' disciples. i couldn't help but see many similarities between peter and myself. i could relate to his eagerness and impulsive behavior. i could relate to his daring self-confidence. and i could also relate to his fragile and unstable character that often displayed his shortcomings. he was known for not following through and failing to put his words into action.

thankfully, Jesus didn't dwell on peter's faltering faith or denial of knowing Him. Jesus was only concerned with peter's heart. in fact, He knew that peter loved Him. yet, shortly after His resurrection, Jesus asked him three times within one conversation, “peter, do you love Me?” peter answered, “yes, i love you” all three times. truly this was an affirmation, not necessarily for Jesus' benefit but for peter himself. peter's loving Saviour forgave his inconsistencies and because of God's mercy, peter's relationship with his Lord continued to grow and helped to shape him into the courageous, yet humble, leader God wanted him to be.

i have acted like peter many times. often, my eagerness and impulsive behaviors drive me to do things in my own strength. i know that i acknowledge Jesus with my mouth and in the same breath, i deny Him by how i live far from Him. my own inconsistencies show how human i really am and how much i need my Saviour at the center of my life. the question “tamara, do you love Me?” needs to be answered in confidence!

the things that i have learned about myself lately may be ugly, however, God sees my inner-beauty; He sees my heart. and He's sharing that with me. if i continue to allow Him to be Lord of my life, i will no longer need to fear failure or be ashamed of beginning again. i must live for God.

my Lord, i do love You!

so i say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. galatians 5:16

desiring to live for Him,

tamara